Treasure In The Trash

Update from Azuba Hazard…

I used to be a sweet girl. Did my best at school. Helped out around the home. Visited my grandparents. That was before. Before my entire family was annihilated. Before our home was razed. Before the school burned down. Before I turned bad.

When you’ve lost everyone you love, you go deep. You find out things about yourself. You do whatever it takes. You take what you need to survive.

In the aftermath, groups formed. Inhumans roamed in mobs. Mutants prowled in packs. The Scrapyard kids formed their rat runs and hideouts. The so-called “police” resorted to tyranny and terror tactics. I’ve formed alliances. I’ve run with the Scrapyard kids, traded with the police and holed up in the Scraptopia bunker with mackattack and D’spare. But I’m a free spirit. I’m no-one’s property. Cross me at your peril. This Azuba is Hazardous goods.

You out there trying to survive? Okay, here are some free tips. Make the most of them, I don’t usually give nothing for free:

Swiss Army Knife

The hottest property right now is any kind of multitool. Life suddenly gets easier with your one-stop can opener, knife selection, screwdriver, pliers, wire cutters and the good old corkscrew. No, you idiot, the corkscrew is not there for vintage wine bottles; very handy for gouging out the eyes of mutant rats that try to sneak up on you.


Found an old hacksaw buried in the rubble of my grandad’s shed. Bit rusty but does the job. Built myself a shelter in the early days with this old faithful friend. Not the most effective weapon but it separated an inhuman from his ear when he tried to jump me in one of the alleys on Black Friday.


Lots of this stuff strewn over the city and no end of uses for it. Caught myself a stoatbot with my home-made snare the other day. Pretty sweet little creatures really. Looked up at me with those sad, brown, pleading eyes. Almost felt guilty when I plunged the corkscrew in.


Couldn’t believe it when I found this. Didn’t even know what it was called until mackattack told me. Something kids used to play with, she tells me. Well I’ve certainly had fun with it. Fired a rock at the police commander and you could hear the crack echo around the rubble when it smashed into his helmet. Thought the Scrapyard kids were going to piss themselves. Biggest laugh we’ve had around here for a while.

False teeth

Ok, this is a bit gross, I’ll admit. I found them back at Nan’s house. Nan was still wearing them. Well, kind of. They were jutting out between her jaws as I looked down at her corpse in the chaos of her kitchen. My lovely Nan. Her glasses were smashed and lying beside her. I picked them up and put them on. It was a game we used to play when I was little. Trying on Nan’s glasses and talking in her voice while blinded by the fuzzy vision of the magnified lenses. Used to give us both a giggle. She used to roll back her head and give a big raucous, throaty laugh. Maybe it was more sentimentality, but when I saw her dentures set in that macabre toothy grin, I plucked them out and put them in my pocket. Maybe Nan had poked them out like that because she wanted me to have them. Not sure how long I’ll be keeping my own teeth with toothpaste scarce and dentists extinct. Disrespectful? Maybe. But in Scraptopia you gotta take what you need to survive.

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